Page revised February 4, 2003
AVIATION RULES AND
LAWS!
1. There are Rules and there
are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think that they know how to fly
your airplane better than you.
2. The Laws (of Physics)
were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the
Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
3 .More about Rules:
A. Rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and
the talent to execute it.
B. If you deviate from a Rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g.
If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
4. As an aviator in flight
you can do anything you want... As long as it's right and we'll let you
know if its right after you get down.
5. You can't fly forever
without getting killed or dying.
6. About check rides:
A. Having someone follow you to grade how you fly is just like having
someone come into your bedroom to grade how you make Love.
B. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get
the bastard out of sight.
C. It has never occurred to any Flight Examiner that the Examinee could
care less what the Examiner's opinion is, of his flying ability.
7. The medical profession
is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
8. Ever notice that the
only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over, are people
who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of
theirfeelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no such expert
who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
9. He who demands
everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot;he that attempts
one iota more is a fool.
10. If you're gonna fly
low, do not fly slow!
11. It is solely the
pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his aircraft.
12. About night flying:
A. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
B.At night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
C. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
D.If you're going to fly at night, it might as well be in the weather
so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.
13. One of the most
important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those
things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.
14. At the end of the day,
the Controllers, Operations Supervisors, Maintenance Guys, Weather
Guessers, and Birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is
tonot let them!
15.The concept of
"controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm
directed at Airline Pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow
it.
16. Remember that the radio
is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only
way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
17. It is a tacit, yet a
profound admission of the preeminence offlying in the hierarchy of the
human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats
alwaysthreaten to take away one's wings and not one's life.
18. Remember when flying
low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but
hopefully your Instructor never taught you "pull the stick back, and
theplane goes up".
19. Mastering the
prohibited maneuvers in the Manual is one of the best forms of aviation
life insurance you can get.
20. The aircraft G-limits
are only there in case there is another flight scheduled for that
particular airplane. If subsequent flights are not likely, there are no
G-limits.
21. One of the beautiful
things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social
experience.
22. If a mother has the
slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot she had
better teach him to put things back where he got them.
23.The ultimate
responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless
millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward and wish.
THE EVOLUTION OF A
FLIGHT ATTENDANT IF SHE'S BEEN FLYING FOR ONE MONTH
She blushes at dirty jokes
She wants to marry a captain
She thinks that a flight attendant's work leaves her intelligent
She reads 'What Every Girl Should Know'
She thinks all men are nice
She wears her wings with pride
IF SHE'S BEEN FLYING
FOR SIX MONTHS
She smiles at dirty jokes
She wants to marry a second officer
She thinks that a flight attendant's work leaves her fairly intelligent
She reads 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'
She thinks some men are nice
She wears her wings happily
IF SHE'S BEEN FLYING
FOR ONE YEAR
She laughs at dirty jokes
She wants to marry a ramp agent
She thinks that a flight attendant's work leaves her intelligent enough
She reads 'The Art of Love'
She hopes some men are nice
She wears her wings doubtfully
IF SHE'S BEEN FLYING
FOR THREE YEARS
She tells dirty jokes
She wants to marry a man
She thinks that a flight attendant's work leaves her a little
intelligence
She reads 'How to Live Alone and Like It'
She knows all men are not nice
She still wears her wings
IF SHE'S BEEN FLYING
FOR FIVE YEARS
She invents dirty jokes
She wants to marry
She would rather not have to think
She reads 'To Have and to Hold'
She would rather wear a ring
IF SHE'S BEEN FLYING
FOR TEN YEARS
She is the girl in the dirty
jokes
She wants to marry, "but after all, is it really necessary?"
She can't think
She reads 'Fact is Better Than Fiction'
She is glad all men are not nice
She wears a mink
- with thanks to an
ex-South African Airways gentleman who I'm sure would not like to be
named here.
